lita ♡ ( @lita ♡
) has his #borntodie
can I just fucking rant:
fuck. eating disorders.
no, it's not pretty. it's not about being dainty and having a thigh gap. it's not about fitting into those skinny jeans.
in fact, none of those things even fuckinf matter to me. when you get an eating disorder, you don't just "stop" when you fit an XS shirt. it's with you forever. of course it's with you when you step on the scale, but it's also with you 10 hours after you step off the scale. you're thinking about the number, thinking of how you can get smaller, thinking is that too big is that too small is that just right and you don't have an answer because you don't fucking know anymore. your mind is so FUCKED you don't know what the fuck is normal. fuck man. I'm so tired of these stupid movies, books, art, blogs glamorizing eating disorders because the LAST thing I feel when vomit is dripping down my chin or when im working out so fucking hard I pass out is glamorous. I feel empty. and I'm so pissed. so pissed I have to spend my youth a slave to this awful thing. so pissed I've spent nights exercising for 3 hours instead of going out with my friends. so pissed I don't want to get intimate with my soulmate in fear of judgement of my body.
I'm so fucking pissed, but most of all, I'm sad, because numbers become your life and food is your life and you would do anything to get rid of this piece of shit disorder but it's with you forever